Hello this is M&m.
I don't think I can help you fully. The situation seems very troubling and confusing. The reason I am writing is for one try to calm down. I know this is all very stressful but especially with disorders of the mind stressful situations can rise symptoms and effect how you see things and think.
Secondly, I have Bpd but they are giving me anti-Psychotics. They had to do this because I hear voices and see things which started when I was ten. They say I have low grade Schizophrenia now but they can't diagnose it legally until I'm 21 so they say that I only need to take the Anti-Psychotics when needed but still tell me to take them nightly. I personally don't like to take medication so I hardly ever do. I wouldn't recommend people to do the same but when I took all my medication it would make me so upset I would turn not only hysterical but suicidal an hour after I took them until I fell asleep later that night. (I also have insomnia so they have me on heavy doses of sleep aid sedatives.)
This is only me and I'm not sure if it helps I just wanted you to know it is possible to be put on Anti-Psychotics even when you have Bpd. I wish you tons of luck.
Message me if you need to vent and remember deep breaths. Anyone can get angry it takes someone who has self control to stay calm and collected. I believe in you.

Doc told me they would never give BPD to anyone under 18. Forntal cortex is not fully delepoed until age 21 so that is messed up plus if you are using drugs you should not diagnose people with BPD. Iwas just wondering if people with BPD have psychotic features? You have low grade Schizophrenia what the hell is that? that is not in the DSM Low grade..! You etiehr have it or you don't whos not telling the truth hear the docs or the meds? I have been diagnosed with bi-polar and schizoeffective disoder before but then then into bi-polar 1 and I hear voices all the time but doc says they are in my head and not outside of my head I just don't get it. WHen they become command voices that is nearing psychotic features but I at times think that they are not my own voice, how can that be bi-polar? Wouldn't that be schizophernia or schizoeffective disorder? Lost as much as you. Goofy

Thanks for writing me back Goofy. I'm not an expert by no means I can be just as lost as anyone when the doctors are talking. I'll try to answer your questions with what I know.
I have a lot of doctors that all have different opinions about me so I get tossed around a lot by them and have a lot oof new medications going in and out at any given time. Currently I'm taking 9 pills at night and 3 pills during the day as needed. Like the schizophrenia they aren't supposed to say I have Bpd but they say they are next to 100% sure that I have it so I stay on the tag. I'm already feeling the effects of some type of mental disorder not entirely sure what it is but my doctors insist that it's Bpd.
Now, low grade schizophrenia is because one I'm too young to legally be able to have schizophrenia but they know I have it once again it's another it could be anything but because of my age they can't tell me one thing or another for sure. The symptoms are severe enough to put me in a mental hospital but not SUPPOSED to be treated yet even though the doctors are anyway. I have no idea if it's real or if that's what they're calling it until I'm 21 that part I have as many questions as you on.
They say that I have psychotic episodes and thought patterns. They're treating me for it too but they have no name for it all they call it is my Psychotic patterns. I don't know much about those because everything about that is told to my parents and they don't talk to me if they don't have to.
My doctor asked me the same questions on if they are outside or inside my head. He said that people with schizophrenia hear them inside and those who don't hear outside. That's all I know about that and maybe it's different for you then it was for me I don't really know.
Bi polar as far as I know which you probably know too don't hear voices so I agree it doesn't make sense to me. At one point my doctors were saying that my Bpd was causing so much stress I was seeing and hearing things not there but that was dropped when I said I hear the voices inside my head not outside. Maybe they think yours is stress related to? You know because of the Bi polar disorder? That's a stretch I know as I said I'm no expert I haven't even graduated high school yet all I can tell you is that you seem to know what your talking about so don't let them talk you out of your ideas. Listen to what they say but be sure to keep your thoughts strong as well. If you want to discuss this further you can message me or comment again. I'll be reading the notes that follow ours.

I was diagnosed with bpd, but I also hear voices and was told I was having physcotic episodes and put on an anti physcotic, I was then seen by a different doctor who said I don't think you are physcotic I think the reason you hear and see things that aren't there is being caused by depression and took me of the anti physcotic and uped the anti depressant which has not made a difference.
They keep telling me I do not have schizophrenia and that what I am experience, which has been going on ever since I was about 7, is organic physcosis. I have no idea what that means.
My doctor seems to have no problem with mixing different meds and from his point of view is better becuase then all the different cortexs and being targeted or something like that I don't really understand.

WTH you can't have BPD with schizophrenia but they gave it to you anyways? hows that work with insurance and billing and all those meds you are on. How can you function? I was on 6 all together at one time and was so blunted that I slept 20 hrs a day and ate the other 4 and couldn't even take care of myself let alone my 2 yr old kid whos now 17 and I do not have coudoy of anymore and they say no more open adoption because of my daughters RAD bull shit I never abused my kid and theres a 3rd theroy to RAD where both the child and mother get PTSD this is sooo wrong I don't understand how doctors can drug people like this when thye tell me that "WE don't even know if meds work" But we don't know that your sympthoms wouldn't be worse if you were not on it, WTF, pissed I lost everything and barely have my life mother F4$&92$(8, damn it.

What is thought patterns? Your doctor said that because you hear voices in side your head you have schizophrenia, my doctor told me that my voices always come from the inside and that makes it so I do not have schizophrenia or schizoeffective disorder, I had been diagnosed with schizoeffective disoreder at one time until they made it Bi-polar I with psychotic features because I guess the difference is with schizoeffective you have to have psychotic feaures during a normal mood, I am not sure I have that so I think that is why they say I have BPD but with BPD that is different in the since that people are all good/bad shit and I don't think that. I do have a shit ton of paranioa but I believe that is because I have PTSD-P. OMG I am getting mad as hell as I write this reading word for word as I scroll down your page. No med has really worked for me in th elong term so why the fuck do they keep medicating us. Have you seen the movie cabin in the woods as long as I don't think that is what they are doing to us and are going pull me into some game I will be just fine and that they could be doing this to my child. I know I can be delusional easy based on my beliefs but they are my beliefs and until they tell me to go and kill myself they should just leave me alone and stop medicating me but tell me that I need anti-psychotics as a buffer so my paranois dosen't get worse, shit this stuff gets me agaited as fuck and then my sympthoms get worse. I'll keep reading I ma not even half way down.
Bi-poalrs do not hear voices what the hell my pdoc says that anyone can be delusional and that to me is hearing voices!!! Hello. When I went in a near psychotic paranioa in June the doc told me it was because my mood disorder. How can all this info be so different, I feel like we at test subjects.A god damn experiencment and we are now just coming out of it. When these docs went to school I am not sure they knew what they were getting into now that I know about shit in the world and this doc says they don't know anything that I don't and when I bring up certain subjects like the foods and elite they just say they don't want to know details and then keeps sucking on they diet coke. I see different docs every 2-3 yrs because they are training docs at this hospital.
Funny you said that I should hang onto my ideas because If I told them my ideas they would lock in the fuck up because I have been in the hospital over 35 times most of that was when I was not diagnosed with PPD/PPP and they gave me anti-psychotics and never saif oh you have postpardum shit going on and ruined my life.
I have a habit of letting others influnece my thoughts and then start to belive what they say, if someone told me I had cancer and no sympthoms I would believe it that is how vuluable my mind is at this point. All those damn meds for 18 yrs damn it. I hate that I am now stuck in the system and have to depend on them because of this BS....
Stress and situations that are stressful can cause mania or depression according to my pdoc.
Shit I need to do more research on Schizo effect and schizophrenia disoreders and shti maybe I don't even have a psych disoredr at all to even begin with anyone ever think this is just a part of growing up in a fucked up world??? Gonna message you now. Goofy Ps sorry about the typos I never reread

They say that I shouldn't be able to have both but I seem to. I didn't know why they said I couldn't have both my mom didn't want me to ask them about it. The insurance takes care of most of it except for about 30 dollars a month which my mom pays and says that I'll pay her back before she breaks contact with me after I'm done with college. As I said I hardly take the medicine. I feel bad for wasting her money but I feel so empty when I take all that medication and I don't take anything long enough for my body to adjust to it. I have bad insomnia so even when I take the medication I hardly sleep for more than an hour or two the rest of the time I'm just walking around like a zombie. I did nothing but drink when I was on them which you know how bad it is to mix alcohol and pills but I couldn't help it I felt so dead inside all the time.

My thought patterns are when I get extreme paranoia or start thinking in what they consider psychotic bursts. Such as people trying to kill me or cameras being under my skin. This wouldn't be a bad thing but when I go there they try and induce both of them so normally I have my thought patterns almost every time I go in there.
I haven't seen the movie Cabin Fever but it sounds good I'll be sure to check it out on netflix.

I'll be waiting for your message. Hopefully we can figure things out together. and don't worry about spelling. I have spell check automatically on my computer for everything I type. If I didn't my spelling would be awful too.

Cabin in the woods, not fever. What does induce both of them everytime you are there mean? I have spell check to but only on word or email. I sent you a message just now. Goofy

I mean they induce the paranoia and the terror every time I go to see if there's a change in what happens.

I don't understand why they say people can't have both illnesses, if some one is showing systems why can't they be treated becuase of other stuff.
I spend almost every day like a walking zombie and struggle so bably to function I can't get a job or even talk to people most days. Have been on Sony different meds for the past 6 years and nothing has helped. I have been sent from doctor to doctor because no one knows how to deal with me.
I find doctors very secretive, like they try to give away a little information as possible, when ever I ask them what is wrong with me they always avoid the question and I has to actually took at my files just to find out what was going on in my head. Most of the time I just take a high dose of sedatives to sleep through it, it just completely takes over every thing and it feels like doctors have no sympathy of what it's like having to deal with demanding voices

Dont let them know that u are lloking at the files because they can stop yo ufrom doing that if they think its inerfering with your treatment That is what mine did. sucks. those are there personal thoughts about you and thats fucked that they wont tell you things docs omit shit all the time so I just try to aavoid there quesitoins until they answer me. if you are an adult then keep asking I seem to get answers if I do not react in a screaming or panic mode, so try that and just ask questions in regard to do people with this or that have this or that thats how I get info after I have done research and I never tell them where I get my info at times they ask and I just say a friend told me I was having this if that is what I truly have I ask them can a personwith this have this symothom works great unless I freck outon them.

where did your repsonse, comment go oliva12?

I'm not sure I havnt touched it, I can still see it.
How are you today? Hope your having a better day

Well now, I was doing fine until this doc tells me that if she can’t write notes that she will record our conversations and those are the choices. She said she would do it with my permission. Can she legally do that? I actually think that in my state it is a 1 party who has to consistent to record a convo and I guess she would be the one who consistent to it, shit she doesn’t even need my permission to record it I think. What if that recording got into the wrong hands wouldn’t that be a confidential violation? She said that she don’t have time to read other docs notes. How is she going to listen to an hour long session with me to write session notes when she says that she don’t have time to look at other docs notes? She says she just looks at the chief complaint, I think that is Bullshit. We are fucking curious humans how can you not continue to read the note? I am lost here. I get paranoid because I have my medical records illegally accessed at this hospital and I freak out that she writes and puts stuff in my records. And in return she doesn’t tell me have access to my session notes. I don’t get paranoid when other places take notes. I think that person that was fired because of illegally accessing my record got off easy as hell. Collected a pension and I got psychotic. How’s that work?

Also she was telling me that she has to take her patients records home to do her work, can you legally do that? Remove patients files from the hospital? I know she can see some stuff on her computer from her house but to remove files? OMG? I need to now the law. Also she was looking at my past psych history with my permission and she photo copied some of it from when I was 13 and then put it in a file in her desk, can you do that too? What if any of this stuff is illegal? She is stuck on the idea that I have Bad BPD and that I will not get any better if I do not continue to do really well in her office that would be crying out my pain, beggin for mercy basically, by the way. But she continues to tell me that my psychotic features are from Bi-polar but that my main diagnose is BPD at most times and even when I was in the psych unit this past time she said my main diagnose was BPD but I was admitted to the unit because of psychosis do to mixed mania and it also said in the admit note that I had bi-polar depression. I am still thinking that she has her own attachment problems with her own mother because she never had a relationship with her until she was 18; she was raised by her dad. She also took a year off after she was already a resident but I didn’t ask why, she told me she will probably have children but I never asked if she already had them. Is that not omitting the truth just because I never asked if she had a child already? She continues to tell me that we need to have a trusting relationship and need to be honest with each other, ok so if I ask you the are you going to have children and you already have one wouldn’t you tell me? I am so lost I could scream.

I have people and my now ex therapist telling me, “Goofy do you even need a psych doc?” and I have this doc telling me that I need to be monitored to see when I need meds and at what time? Will I am pretty sure that I need a psych doc but am not sure when I always need meds because I do have voices and they tell me some weird shit. I just want to know if the voices are from mood or personality and I heard her say that voices are mainly from mood disorders. I had been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at one time and now its Bi-polar I with psych features. I have another doc that I had when I was in the hospital and he said I have personality with BPD, Anti and some other shit? But I don’t believe him if she is telling me that they mostly come from a mood disorder. I am so sick of going through doctors every 2-3 yrs. having a look at my diagnoses and telling me different things. I have always had Bi-polar up since 2003ish. So all this is messed up. I hate that I have to get my care here now that I am stuck in the damn system for the last 18+ yrs. I guess I need whatever diagnose I have to get SS because I have no skills to support myself at a level that I can even pay rent. OMG I am so mad. Then there’s the part about the release of information to my new therapist after 8 months of not needing one. I will make a post on that soon. Who’s fucking who here? Or am I paranoid as fuck because I have a gut feeling that these two (Now ex therapist and her) were talking when they did have a release of info? Goofy