You don't need to bother.

Aw man, I'm really sorry you feel that way. I highly doubt that you are TRULY worthless! I mean, you'd have to actually work at being worthless ya know?

I "lost it" early, I was 14, but it's currently been about 12-15 years (yeah, it's getting hazy) since I had sex, so I'm feeling like a 42 year old virgin, only it aint funny like that movie was!

Anyway, as cliche as it may sound, look for someone to really connect with, on ALL levels, and the physical part just happens eventually... at least, it worked that way when I was still YOUR age. :-)

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You know what's funny? I asked myself those same questions not long ago, and felt all justified in denigrating myself like that. But when I see it coming from someone else, I don't have that same reaction. You know why, because I'm not already angry with you, but YOU are it seems.

I know the feeling is cumulative, i.e. - it gets worse as time goes on, which makes NOT sabotaging yourself increasingly difficult. Does that make any sense?

I understand the desire to place "blame", but even if you decide it's all your "fault", these terms only serve to bash yourself mentally, and will do nothing to improve the situation. That kind of thinking leads to self loathing (I realize I may be stating the painfully obvious here), which makes interacting with other people even harder.

The blame belongs to the behavior patterns that got you to this place, and the people and experiences that instilled those patterns in you are at fault.

I really don't like the word "fault"...as if by not having sex you have done something wrong. There's a lot more to it then that. I dont know if you have had opportunities you passed up or are very shy around girls or others, but its good to know what has prevented you from pursuing this, as clearly, you do want it. You are still young actually, there is not 'fault' in any of this. It's a matter of figuring out why this has not happend and create some goals to work on it- it may mean reducing your social anxiety, asking more girls out, actively going out and being social...etc. There's more to this then simply self-blame.

Warmly,
Kellie Montgomery, LMFT

Im 28-not a virgin but feel worthless at times 2. I lost it at 19 to my bf at the time-but i kinda wish i would have waited until I was in a more mature relationship. To be honest i didn;t love my bf at that time-but was embarassed bc all my friends were no longer virgins, i was kinda know as the "good girl/boring-since i wasn't much of a party person/mom of the gp when we went out", so i wanted to see what it was like & not feel like a loser. But it was very immature of me to feel that way & often i felt guilty for having sex with a man i didn;t love nor did i really see a future with. Sex the first time was nothing special-and i didnt feel this intense connection w. my partner bc we werent in love. I am currently with someone i really care about, love etc, i know they love & cheerish me, could see a future with him& sex with him is much more meaningful then it was with my former bf. I never regreted havng sex w/ my current bf, was aware he always cared about me, and never felt used-as i did my first time. I honestly felt dirty & used after i first had sex because there was no love & i think we both felt like by this age we shouldnt be virgins-which isnt the healthy reasons to choose to have sex. Honestly when u meet the right person, no one is going to care if you are a virgin (i;d be more turned off if someone had numerous partners then a virgin bc i'd worry about stds), things will just click & you will be happy you waited. You are not worthless. While young-teens/early 20's many of us have our priorites all out of wack & think its abnormal to be a virgin, that everyone is dating/having sex/having fun--but that is not the case. I know a few people who waited until they got married, or were very selective about who they became intimate with while dating-so waited into their mid-later 20s--and their current relationships/marriages seem very healthy & happy.

I feel worthless because my life is not where i expected/wanted it to be at 28. Im not where i'd like to be in my career, just got into vet school-but feel like i should have done that yrs ago, and im dating a man i love/would like to marry but i worry we are in different places in life since i still haven;t achieved my career goal,don;t know if im in a right place to have kids just yet-and he is already established in his career/really wants a family so its all makes me feel worthless-because i should have gotten my personal life & career together earlier in my life.

I was 24... hadn't even kissed anyone or been on a date or anything... and it probably would have been longer but I had a big self-esteem boost and actively went out looking for a relationship. I don't know what I was doing before then that I never even got asked out... I'm a pretty average girl on all accounts... I have a feeling I was giving off some pretty strong "buzz off" vibes due to me being REALLY shy. but when I decided I was ready for a realtionship and felt great about myself I met soemone online and had a nice 3 year relationship before we moved on... then I dated a little then met my husband... if you have trouble meeting women try a dating website like Match.com or soemthing. I find that the easiest way for me because right from the beginning you know the perosn is single and looking for a relationship and you can know a few important things right away.

I was way too young-13. That alone makes me feel horrible & worthless at times. But u are not worthless-you just need to find the reason you haven't meet someone special yet. We all meet people at different times in our lives-so there is not one right time to lose your virginity. Are you very shy? Are you religious? If shyness is the reason you haven't met someone yet please try to put yourself out there more. Do you date? Like jessica suggested try online dating. Other suggestions in terms of meeting someone would be to go out w. friends where single people will be, join a club/or class that involves something your interested in, go on a singles vacation. or even try a match maker. So many ways to meet people if you put yourself out there. Personally, i think when we dont fixate about how much we want be with someone, dont worry about meeting someone, and just do things that we enjoy-somehow more people are drawn to us & your more likely to meet someone. I don;t know you--so first you need to see why whatever your currently doing to meet a bf/gf isnt working, and then please try switch up your methods, get out of your comfort zone, and hopefully you will meet someone special. Best of luck.

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