Invisibility

Hi Alex :)

First of all, stop apologizing! And dont apologize for apologizing either... I know how it goes cuz I do the same thing... haha! You posted and vented your feelings. That's ok to do :) You are entitled to vent and say everything that's on your mind... and that's what supportgroups is all about. You can type as much or as little as you want and there are no judgements... okay?

I can understand the lonliness and paranoia... I was exactly like that when I was in high school. You want to be liked and accepted, but don't know how to go about making friends and saying the right things. Plus, the added pressure of kids (who are extremely judgmental) teasing you just because you said something out of the norm or are wearing something different. It's so exhausting and stressful!

I would say take one day at a time. If you worry about studdering or saying the wrong thing, just keep your sentences short and simple. If you want to be seen, but no one talks to you, reach out to someone in class. Just ask something like, can I borrow a pencil? Let yourself be seen and heard, but until you get more comfortable, just keep things simple.

"I've been told ridiculous things like I apparently care too much and put others in front of me so much that I end up not looking after myself, and that leads me to self harm and all that stuff. I don't know if I could actually believe such a statement." ~~~~ I would have to say that I do agree that some people care too much and put others in front of themselves and disregard their own opinions and feelings. I've seen this done... and I've done it to myself. I had people tell me in high school that I was too nice... and I was baffled because how in hell is that a bad thing? Turns out that I was so consumed with what other people thought of me that I pushed my feelings aside to accomodate other people. I thought that I was mean if I spoke my mind.... but really it was because I was self-conscience and had hardly any self confidence. You may not agree with me on this, but just wanted to give my two cents.

Hang in there Alex. I promise you that you are not the only person going through this. I'm sure there are tons of other kids around you that feel exactly the same way... they probably dont see you because they are so consumed with their own feelings and problems. Like I said before, take it a day at a time. Put a little effort in here and there. It's okay to be guarded, but dont cut yourself off from the world. It's important to have friends to talk to.

I hope this helps you out a little.
Feel free to message me anytime :)
~Lily

First of all, thank you Lily.
I can't find anything to argue with... I think everything you just said describes exactly how I feel. I don't really know what else to say honestly. Just thank you, it's always nice to be heard, it means a lot to me.
Alex.

You will always be heard and seen on here :) Take care... and remember that you can ALWAYS message me with anything. I'll respond no matter what :)

Have a good weekend!
~Lily