im loosing it

Oh Shavonn :( I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve better than this. You do have more than your fiance, you have me as your support and I'm sure others here will do the same.

Sisters can be cruel. From the way you are talking I'm betting that you are the youngest, am I right? I can relate. My sisters disrespect me too. I've had things happen to me albeit different than yours but we all have different stories to tell. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make the bad things go away but I can't but I can be here for you and listen and try to help you through this.

I hate to say it, but I'm not going to lie and I think you should know we are here to talk with you. But, your sister's concerns are legitimate. Well.. SOME of them. "Partying" that is, smoking, drinking, and or drugs can really damage your health. Not that I'm saying you're irresponsible, for all I know you can have a handle on what you do very well. However the concern is valid. That being said the whole atheist thing and come to church thing is kind of silly. I understand if they, erm... worried about your soul, I guess. But there are many different paths for people so it should not be a mark against you for your choices. I am saddened you chose such a belief that is rather depressing, but I am not one to judge. Anyway.

Cutting yerself is pointless, the dopamine release from the pain is only temporary and you WILL crash from it. Besides, it looks to me like everyone else is hurting you plenty. So. If your family is calling you non stop to complain, I would suggest telling them- "the more you treat me like this, the farther you push me away". and then hang up and don't answer your phone until you feel relaxed, calm, and ready to deal with it.

We CAN do that you know, shut everyone and everything out of our lives for a while. It's OUR life, we choose how to live it and if something is hurting you you have every right to shut it out completely. Now, as for the family things, it seems to me like you have a kind of competition thing with your sister, which the psychologist in me is pointing to the reason you have rebelled as much as you have. You probably grew up hearing how perfect your sister was and how you should be like her.

That's just a guess. Regardless, I don't think we're the place to resolve your family issues but we'll sure as heck love to listen to ya complain about em'. As an objective observer I can give you suggestions and advice to reconcile with them as well as help you understand them and your place right now as well as give you some advice about making up with them and making them understand you and how healthy it would be if you all got along better- but - for now I'll just sit here and agree.

Damn straight. No one has the right to tell you how to live your life. They can SUGGEST, they can ADVISE, hell they can even beg. But at the end of the day it is YOUR life and YOUR choice. Owning that will also force you to own your screw ups, but that's a self acceptance thing. So. I highly recommended shutting all that noise out, throwing on some good tunes- I find Korn/tool/perfect circle helps me, and just plain letting it wash away from you. You could even get in the shower with the stereo playing and just let the warm water take it away. You don't NEED to deal with ALL of it at ONCE, you can do it bit by bit, little by little. All this stress and noise and guilt is just driving you into a darker corner and making you doubt and blame yourself. Well right now you don't need to listen to ANY of that. You've had your fill. Check please.

Now is the time to take time for yourself, relax, put it all in perspective. Like, for example. Kids in Africa are starving with AIDS, the planet earth is the size of a mote of dust in the cosmos, we are just a speck in the infinitely expanding universe. Our life spans are not even the longest on the planet. One day, you will die. But so will everybody. Why rush it? Why worry? Why stress out over everything like it will kill you? Because that WILL kill you. I don't want to advocate drinking to solve problems, nor drugs, nor casual sex, or anything like that because it ALL requires outside sources and substances to keep yourself.

We all have within us the power to keep hold, to hold on, and make ourselves safe. So, for my money I'd send you into a good warm shower, wrap yourself in a towel, or warm blankets, listen to some good music or read a good book or masturbate or have some ice cream, hell just, something to make you feel good that causes you no harm. You need to remind yourself you are safe. And no matter what choices you've made, they were your own, no matter what mistakes you've made, you learned from them. You are only human, your life isn't over, and you know what? I think you've done pretty well for yourself. You could be a LOT worse. trust me. So hey, fuck all that noise. Have a settle somewhere comfortable and safe. And remember you've done pretty well in life thus far. Maybe not the best, but no one's perfect. And you don''t need to be. You are fine just the way you are, as long as your habits and vices don't threaten your health, I'm all for em'. We all gotta cope, we all are just getting by. So hey mate, good on ya. Chill. Relax. breath deep. Let all of it pass and then handle it one by one as it comes. That's what we're here for, and I hope this hasn't been a lecture.

Also, I bet yer sister has THE stinkiest shit.

let me just say, WOW, didnt know i was going to hear from anyone, and damn you'll didnt disapoint, lol. anytime anyone ever talks to on here its always very nice and helpful, thank you very much mangaman i can tell you care very much, and yes i am the youngest and growning up with my family was awful, bcuz of how i am... im diffrent and i like me and i like to have fun, i dont think anything i do is wrong. and im not an addict. so again thank you all!

If you are bipolar some of that acting out is extreme behavior and not a simple lifestyle choice. You are 'in it' and that's not the best place to make an assessment. Certainly you are not completely happy with all that is going on right now. At the very least it would be nice to have only one problem at a time to cope with. What I am saying is that sometimes people have a point of view outside of ourselves that can be more accurate than the assessment we have of ourselves. Your sister may be crude in her attempt to help you but damn she is at least trying. We take the good and discard the bad but first we must put all our cards on the table and that is never easy.